i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
