Just cropdusted the office
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
