So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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