our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
