dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
