Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
