I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How external is "for external use only"?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
