my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
