why didn't you poke me back
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
