The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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