the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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