Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
