I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
