I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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