Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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