omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
