If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
