Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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