Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
