We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
3 2 1 whiskey
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
