Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
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its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
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things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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