Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
