Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize