i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
