Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
