if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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