I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
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Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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