Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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