What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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