and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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