Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
