omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Fuck appropriateness.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
