he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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