I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
