My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize