Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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