im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
