i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
