i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
