Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize