Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
