I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So vagazzling was a success
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
