get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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