not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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