Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
