Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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