He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
