Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
