I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
