My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Life without a bra equals bliss.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
