is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
