I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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