UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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