If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
