I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
