Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
