You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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