cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
