wakey wakey hands off snakey
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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