Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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