She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
