I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
